Job Name: Tight-rope walker, Unicyclist & Juggler
Job Description: Must
be able to balance on 1 foot, while reaching up above your head (while
holding a jar of sauce), multi-tasking your opposite arm to reach on the
cupboard, pull another jar of sauce into your body then curl it (up)
and press above your head, placing it next to the other extended
hand/jar...Slowly bringing them both down (reverse curl concentration)
to your waist. HOLD...Bring hanging leg down, on the ground next to
resting foot. Raise rested foot...REPEAT continuously for 60 seconds.
Job Payrate: Multiple confused looks from every new member, rolling of the eyes from old members, occasional locker room giggles.
Job Benefits: Turning into a professional shopper. You will have just trained all of your Functional Stabilizing Muscles (muscles in the lower leg, back of the shoulders and even the neck) and Ancillary Muscles (muscles
used in respiration: Diaphragm, Internal Intercostals, External
Intercostals [abdominal stabilizing muscles used for balance). You will
say every movement involves your "CORE", and yes, you are right.
However, EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE INVOLVES YOUR CORE. If you
are pushing against a wall, you do not fall over backward because your
"core" (abdominals, but it sounds so hip to say core now) contracts and
helps support a strong spine; stiffness.
Since the moment you
stood erect for the very first time, you use your "core" and ancillary
muscles every step you take. Every breath. Every time you pick up
something. Every time you write a paper sitting in a chair for God's
Now...Now that you have
stunned and shocked everyone with your multi-movement, balancing act set
at the gym, let's look at "why"?
Job Outcome: Since you turned pro, here are some of the things you should try next:
- Gain Lean Muscle
- Every pound of lean muscle will burn approximately 24 calories a day,
at rest. Will this functional training build lean muscle? Ah, NO.
You will be able to reach the top shelf at the grocery store, on 1 foot,
reaching for a gallon of water, then placing it across your body to
place in a slightly-moving cart. Whew. Glad we have trained
continuously on achieving our cat-like balance. I personally have been
getting uneasy watching dozens of people walk down an aisle, reach for
Coco-Crisp and fall on their ass. Seeing that you have perfected
balance at the age of 2, let's look at that muscle again. If you do not
train in short bursts of power and intensity (8-10 seconds) you can
kiss goodbye strength, muscle tone, low bodyfat, and endless energy.
Look at it this way...What does a gymnast look like? A sprinter? Low
bodyfat, good muscle tone and boundless energy. Also, they seem to shop
pretty well too. Now, look at a marathon runner. Look at a cyclist.
You will see the same thing. Low muscle tone, medium bodyfat but man,
they can shop for 30minutes and burn 600 calories! Sorry to break it to
you, but that is not fat-burning mode. Your heart rate is so high, you
are burning muscle for energy. Your respiratory system though is top
notch. Less muscle tone = less calories burned OUTSIDE of exercise.
- Stop Moving Parts
- Just because 1 exercise is a compound movement (sometimes 4-5) does
not mean it is effective. Often, it is dangerous and does little to
help (except shop). I swear on my dog (Happy Hunter - shout out) that I
witnessed this in the gym yesterday - peak hour - packed gym: A young
"trainer" had a 40yr.old woman perform the following: The lady was
holding a 10lb. kettle bell in 1-hand. She proceeded to step forward to
perform a lunge. With her legs separated, she proceeded to hand off
the bell in between her legs (like a point guard). She proceeded to
walk the entire length of the gym and back, for all to watch in absolute
horror/astonishment. When the woman was done, her "trainer" cheered
her on and told her, "You don't see anyone else doing these movements
because they aren't aware of what's the latest in sports exercise."
This "trainer" looked like the JV boys basketball timekeeper. But, she
probably paid $499 to a do-at-home trainer certification booklet (which
she did the answers on Google and passed). Hey, I am a Doctor of
anything I want if I pay $499 for a piece of paper that I can hang on my
wall. By walking, swinging the bell, you are just asking to get hurt.
TOO MANY MOVING PARTS = INJURY! Newton's law of Inertia is "That which
is in motion will stay in motion, unless up against a greater or equal
opposite force." If your planted leg in NOT in motion, and you have a
Kettle Bell in motion, you could hit your ankle and injure that, or try
to correct the trajectory and tear a stabilizing muscle (oh no...No more
Final Outcome -
You will NOT look like a supermodel in the strapless dress (unless you
have the greatest PROPER NUTRITION)...You will not win any fitness or
bikini contests...you will not gain any muscle tone (yes, some strength,
but no muscle tone and decreased bodyfat).
There is a solution.
All you need is gravity, a sack of rocks, some pulleys, etc. Tried and
tested muscle strengthening, building movements.
Up...Down...In...Out...Short, high intensity. Proper nutrition. Proper
Don't worry about your balance. You already perfected that, before you could talk.
"When they are ready...They Are Champions"