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Body Dysmorphia - By: David Jaworski

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Body dysmorphia and my honest assessment of myself.

The definition of body dysmorphic disorder  is -- a body-image disorder characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with an imagined or slight defect in one's appearance. When I read about it, I think to myself, WOW, maybe I have that, maybe I really am a muscular, good looking guy !!  How Amazing would that be !!!  Then I look in the mirror and realize, I don't have it, I just look like sh*t !   I mean I can look good occasionally at certain angles, under perfect lighting, when I am storing carbs in my muscles and not retaining extra cellular water (rare), but these days are few and far between and very difficult to control. The thing I realize is my body is on display (in one form or another) 24/7 and the sad truth is, I seldom even look half way decent.    

I know I am strong and athletic. That being said, I am only playing sports and lifting weights a small percentage of my life. The only times I can be athletic and strong is under certain circumstances. If I would try to squat or deadlift a weight I can normally do for 15 reps now (right now) I would probably fail and hurt myself. I do know however, if I warmed up properly using my equipment and used perfect form I could do it, but now...I don't think so!  As for running, if I had to run a max sprint right now, I would get injured in the 1st few seconds and literally fall to the ground.  Now if I have my sneakers, and am warmed up, I can move, but not now!  Same for my body. If I go right now and look in the mirror now, I will look like sh*t. I am rational enough to realize that if I could go to a certain mirror, a certain time of day, after eating a certain way the hours before and stand at an angle, under ideal lighting, I "could" look decent, but not now!!  I also know  If I would wear certain clothes I "could" also look good, but not now. I know that mirrors that I look OK clothed in, I look horrible unclothed, and vice versa. I have learned to occasionally trick people to make them think I look good, but its only a trick!  If you see my photos, see me in person, or see me flexing, you might say to me I look good, but I know what you are thinking (I am thinking it to) I look ugly, both inside and out !!!  There is no photo here, but I will tell you what I see, A over sized head, eyes to close to each other, a big nose, crooked teeth, huge bags around both eyes, narrow shoulders with no muscle, small un-muscular arms, a flat-fat chest, mushy abs that hang over, a narrow back, smooth legs that are bulky up top & small at the bottom, calves that are thin and small. (I know the people who are reading this, who have seen me are laughing at my accurate description of myself, but it's OK)   I am trying to change my appearance, and the fact that nobody criticizes me, that just tells me people are trying to be nice to me.

"When they are ready...They Are Champions"